Before having kids I had no idea why some parents were so adamant about baby naps or their children's bed time. I would find it outrageous when I'd ask a friend to lunch only to have them say they could only meet me between 1:30 and 2:30 because little Johnny's nap time is at 3:00. It's lunch, I'd think to myself, you sit around all day watching your baby yawn, with loads of free time while I'm at work...lunch is at 12:00. I've never said that, of course, just thought it. Now I know. Now my eyes are open. Without a schedule there is no way to survive twins.
When the girls first came home we were strictly reactionary and I was desperately trying to hold on to my old way of life. Before the twins, I'd stay up to until 12:00 or 1:00, as was my custom, and wake at 6:00AM, to spend some quality time alone while my wife slept in. The thought of being in bed while the sun was still falling never entered my mind. If, in the past, by some accidental slip of time I was still in bed when the sun came up, I would have considered the day wasted and not bothered changing out of my pajamas (obviously I'm not referring to a work day). After living this way, on 5 or 6 hours sleep, for several weeks, my body would eventually give in and I would fall asleep early one evening to rejuvenate...early being, maybe 10 PM. Even when completely exhausted, it was a fight between body and brain. On those evenings, I would awake on the couch to the end credits of Aliens or some other film that I've seen a million times, but will still watch all the way through when it comes on TV, and be disappointed that I missed the bulk of the movie. I would then, begrudgingly, walk up the stairs to the bedroom for a few more hours sleep.
That was life before the ladies. Like I said, I tried to hold onto it but that only resulted in episodes of sleep deprived, zombie walking and periods of time completely filled with blurred reality and imagined happenings. One day I looked around the living room, the floor, piled high like a dragon's hoard, covered in vibrating chairs, bouncy chairs, play cribs, floor pads, Baby Einstein tummy time mats, several breast feeding pillows, TV trays, clothing the girls wouldn't fit into for months, gift bags, stuffed animals, unbreakable mirrors, baby carriers, car seats, burp cloths, soothers, change pads, extra diapers, swaddle blankets, warming blankets...every where I looked something had been stuffed. We had turned into one of those families you you see on TV, the ones you see on the house cleaning reality shows on the Women's Network or Home and Garden Channel. Our home was direction reflection of our lives. My wife and I are organized people, we plan things, we study and prepare. This wasn't us. We had been completely overwhelmed by the twins. Worse, we were not being fair to the girls either. Why were we reacting to their needs instead of anticipating them? That was the moment that put everything back on track. I stripped off my puke stained shirt and put on a new fresh white one. I coiled the Moby Wrap around my body and strapped on a baby. Then I went to work. Organized house, organized lives. We were missing routine. It wasn't going to be the old routine that we had been so comfortable with as married couple without children, but it would inject order into our lives.
My wife sorted all the clothing into "now" and "later" piles. The "now" pile was folded neatly into drawers in the nursery while the "later" disappeared into the basement. We tiled our basement floor in play mats and arranged the play chairs that the twins were not currently in love with about the room. We did the same with the main floor living room, tiles, 1 vibrating chair, 1 Baby Einstein Tummy Mat and a Pack-n-Play. All the toys were sorted, into piles, stuffed animals, rattles and things to suck on and finally, toys that made noise if you so much as looked at them. I removed all the batteries from the noisy pile and then boxed them up along with the rattles and suckie things...the girls are still a month or so away from using even the simplest of those toys. The stuffed animals filled a little pink toy box, which was brought into the nursery. We set up a diaper change station and filled it with the essential for cleaning babies. Burp clothes and little face towels were organized and placed within easy reach in the compartments of the Pack-n-Play. Blankets were folded and placed in a stack beside the couch...our physical space was organized!
With that complete we scheduled our time. We are lucky, we have help, my wife's mother has moved to the city and comes by each day. My parents live only a few hours away and stay over the weekend every 2 weeks. Their help is invaluable; they look after us while we look after the kids. With the idea in mind that we should never have more than 1 adult looking after 1 child, we came up with the following schedule:
Four, three hour feeding blocks during the twelve hour day period:
Block 1 - feed the babies. Helper arrives. When helper is ready remaining time before next feed is split between mommy and daddy. This is our self grooming time. Clean up and be ready for the day. I put on a clean shirt that usually makes it about 15 minutes before getting puked, crapped or peed on.
Block 2 - feed the babies. After feeding the helper takes charge of one child and mommy or daddy get personal time. 1.5 hours of personal time to be used however that person wants. I personally head to the gym to try and fight the flab that I have packed on over the last several months of eating prepackaged meals and baked goods.
Block 3 - feed the babies. Personal time for whomever didn't get any in block 2.
Block 4 - feed the babies. Afterward, it's baby bath and scream time or we head out for a nice walk as a family. Once which ever activity we have chosen is complete, my wife and I get completely ready for bed.
The next 12 hours is broken up into 3, 4 night hour blocks:
Block 5 - depending on how badly the day shift slipped, this is either a full feed or simply a top up. Either way, we feed the babies and then everyone crawls into bed. This is the longest block of sleep we, my wife and I, will get all night. Because we were ready for bed at the end of block 4, including breast pumping, we can expect about 3.5 hours of consecutive sleep...AWESEOME!
Block 6 - feed the babies, wash baby butts, wash bottles, breast pump (my wife doesn't breast feed at night). We are on a sliding sleep scale here; at this time there is 3.5 hours between feeds because that is all that the hungry girls will allow. By the time we get to bed, we can expect 2 hours of sleep.
Block 7 - feed the babies, wash baby butts, wash bottles, pump breasts. Now the girls are getting tired of being in bed so we are looking at 2.5 to 3 hours between feeds. Most nights that means 1 hour sleep for us after all is said and done. When the girls have sucked their fill it's extended play time until our helper arrives.
It doesn't sound like much, but 6.5 hours sleep is an infinite amount more than we used to get.
So that's our scheduled lives. The key to keeping our sanity has been the 1.5 hours of personal time and being absolutely ready to pop into bed after the girls first night feed.
This of course is all going to change by the time the twins are 3 months old. Experts and anecdotal evidence alike has promised me that by 3 months the girls will be sleeping 12 hours through the night and 3 hours of naps during the day. There won't be so much of a need for personal time at that point. We'll be able to take time for ourselves while the girls sleep. Sleeping through the night will actually allow mommy and daddy, mommy and daddy time.
I hope this helps anyone reading this blog that is about start a new life with new twins. Good luck, and stay organized.
All I can say is "Wow".
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