Captain of My Own Ark

I know exactly how Noah felt on his ark.  For those unfamiliar with the christian, old testement story of Noah, it's about a man who was warned of an impending flood of such magnitude, that would wipe out all life upon the planet.  Noah built an ark (boat) that was large enough to pen two of every animal on the earth.  When the flood waters receded  the animals were set free and allowed to repopulate the lands...except the unicorns, of which Noah had accidentally saved two males (the torrid, gay unicorn sex that occurred after the great flood caused all mention of the beasts to be stripped from the bible).  Anyway, I know what that ark must have sounded like at night...

Our evening routine is pretty straight forward right now.  We do a final day light feeding at around 8PM and then transition into our night time activities.  We dim or close the lights throughout the upper level of our house.  We swaddle the girls, tightly, and lie them in the crib in the bedroom.  The sound machine is turned on, beginning with a heart beat rhythm; the volume is turned all the way up.  Many new parents think the sound machine is a waste of money and elect to use a radio, tuned off channel so that it is producing static (white noise) instead.  I personally like the variety of the sound machine and actually use many of the settings.  We then close the bedroom door and leave the girls to calm down and begin to sleep.  For those that are thinking we are terrible parents for leaving the girls alone, unattended, we watch them through a video monitor (Summer brand with night vision).  That gives my wife and I a few moments to ourselves (and I mean moments).  When we return to the room the girls are usually asleep.  The sound machine is switched over to ocean waves, so we can pretend to be somewhere in the Caribbean.  That's when the fun begins.

Most experts recommend that your child sleep in your room until the age of 6 months.  That works fine for a singleton, or multiples if they have their own sleeping space.  Our girls are in a single crib next to our bed.  They'll stay there until they discover each other and start to do things, like suck each other's feet, or pull each other's hair.  For now though, they are in our room.  What the experts neglect to tell new parents is that babies are not quiet sleepers.  They make some of the weirdest noises I've ever heard.  The moment the lights go out and my head hits the pillow they start in with their animal imitations.  Primal grunts and snorts fill the darkness.  I've heard monkeys, birds and elephants.  One of them even makes this hyena sound, a laughing bark that is so distinct.  Whenever I hear the sounds starting up, I leap out of bed in an attempt to catch the boisterous party in the act.  I have of yet been able to do so.  By the time I am crib side both girls have arranged themselves into the picture of peace and quiet.  So back to bed I go.  I drift off to the sounds of the ocean, as well as animal cries of every sort (even of those romping unicorns!) and dream that I am the captain of my own ark.