One of a Kind

We've been looking hard for places to bring the girls that allow my wife and I to walk around, be involved with the rest of humanity, all the while giving the twins the opportunity to experience life outside the house.  To be honest, it actually goes further than that for me.  I have a two fold hidden agenda, one, the girls sleep really well while we are walking about.  They have a really hard time napping otherwise, but not long after the stroller gets moving they drift off.  They'll sleep for a good hour and half while we wheel about, and even if they wake, they are so overawed by different sights and sounds around them that they forget to scream.  Two, my wife is very nervous about life with children outside of our den.  She's worried about the babies crying, a poosaster or possibly ninja attack...yes, those things are probably going to happen...but so what?  We'll deal with what ever occurs.

Convention centers and trade shows make fantastic stroller-bound, kid safe, twin baby outings, especially if you get one appropriately themed like the One of a Kind show.  The event is perfectly timed to serve double duty as a family outing and Christmas shopping trip.  The irony of bringing twins to an event centered on unique, never duplicated items is hilarious too.  Tickets can be stamped at the exit to allow everyone to return throughout the duration of the show, making it a budget friendly location as well.  There are special events for children of all ages, a daycare for kids over 2 and feeding/changing room for the littlest ones (free diapers and butt paste!).  They even had a separate room off the main area that was labelled "Man Cave".  As a stay-at-dad, pushing a double stroller I didn't feel overly welcome in the "Man Cave"; my entrance met with frowns...nor was I fully accepted in the feeding and change area; some breast feeding moms are overly shy.  Oh well people...get used to my bridging both worlds, if you don't like it stay at home, because I'm not going to.

Regardless of where we wander, the reaction to the girls is always the same.  I don't know what it is about twins that make people think they can step in front of you and and start asking questions or giving advice.  Worse are the strangers that jam their heads under the canopy to see the girls close up...oh, how I would love to install a bear trap under there.  Or even better, a wood chipper!  "How old are they?"  "Are they identical or fraternal?"  "Do twins run in your family?"  "Are they natural?"  WTF?!?!  Of course they are not natural.  I built them in my basement out of old tires...now get out of my way you nut job.  Some people even preface their intrusion with "I'm a twin." or "I have twins of my own."  One lady at the One of a Kind show actually said "My twins are all grown up now, so I know how annoying it is when people stop you..."  She said more, but the rest of it was muffled due to the fact that two thirds of her body was jammed up under my stroller canopy.

Here's my advice to anyone about to have twins or to recent parents of twins...invest in a highly mobile stroller with front pivoting wheels, and limit the number of outings you make with your Snap and Go.  A good stroller will allow you to turn quickly and frequently.  You can see in a stranger's eyes when they are about to engage you in unwanted conversation, continue walking straight towards them and smile.  Wait for the aggressor to lean forward, then feint left.  The stranger will alter their own trajectory, at that moment dodge right!  Your forward momentum should take you safely passed, while your opponent is still lurching in the opposite direction.  Yell your answer over your shoulder without looking back "They are 4 months old!"  If pursuit continues, wait for the stranger to charge up beside you...this is where the nimble stroller's abilities really shine, two quick 180 turns will often leave the intruder stumbling in circles...

Good luck!