You Know Who to Blame

With only 2weeks left, 11 days from now to be more precise, I am in a constant state of readiness.  Readiness to run from my wife's wrath.  With so little time remaining, she's ready to have it all over with, but she's torn.  Every day the twins stay with her, is a another day of fattening up (this not in reference to my wife's waist, as she will assume, but is in fact referring to the size of the twins).  But every night the twins stay with her is another night of lost sleep...and my wife is an angry bear without sleep. 

A few mornings ago she woke up (got up I should say because I don't know if she slept at all), stumbled through the living room, walked passed me, and sat down at the kitchen table, without saying a word.  I put on my most welcoming, sunshine face and in a cheery voice wished her a good morning.  There was no reply.  On closer inspection, I noticed she had bright orange, silicon plugs stuffed in her ears.  Her head slowly rotated until I was centered in her gaze, her brows a deep furrow and her eyes squinted.  She removed one of the ear plugs and said, "It's best if I don't see you or hear you today."  I ran upstairs and hid in my office.  She did speak to me once more, late in the afternoon, to demand lunch, which I made as quickly and efficiently as I could.

I don't blame her.  Her current condition is my fault.  She's doing all the suffering and I'm just waiting for the rewards.  I try to keep that in mind each time she looks at me accusingly.  In fact, I more than try and keep it in mind, I actively do everything I can to make her life easier. 

We've been going out for dinner fairly regularly, trying to keep a sense of normalcy about our lives.  It get's my wife out of the house and out in public (where it's more difficult for her to kill me) and some relief from the confines of our small home.  She prefers to be seated in a booth whenever one is available, that is, until recently.  A few evenings ago we went out to a local fish restaurant (fish is important nutritionally in the third trimester) where my wife requested a booth.  I knew even before we arrived at the table that we were headed for trouble.  Both the maitre 'd and I waited while my wife lowered herself sideways onto the booth bench.  It was clear that there was no possible chance that her new belly would allow her to swivel her legs under the table.  Unless she was planning to eat her meal riding sidesaddle, then her booth dining days needed to be put on hold.  Once again, she turned on the "this is your fault" glare which snapped both the maitre'd and I out of wide eyed stare (that pregnant lady look is a weapon against any man), sent him running to prepare a nice table by the window and me scurrying to help her up.

Honestly, I'm teasing her with this blog entry.  And though the above anecdotes are completely, mostly true, she is doing a wonderful job.  Our twins appear healthy and to be growing well.  My wife is organized and well prepared for their arrival.  If you are reading this and you are a dad-to-be, then I'm warning you, that the last few weeks are difficult.  Your wife will barely be able to get around, she'll be living on very little sleep and probably stressed about the future.  All she wants is for the baby(ies) out of her and healthy.  Of course she's going to have days when she's upset, and when she does, just keep one thing in mind, dad-to-be, this is all your fault. 

Carried Away

Quality time with your child is an important activity that helps parents bond with their little ones.  It starts immediately upon birth in the hospital with what they are calling "skin-to-skin" time.  The moment the child comes into the world they are placed on the mother's bare chest, allowing contact between the mother and full length of the infant's body.  In the case of twins, mom holds one and dad holds one.  Just a note, I asked during my prenatal class, dad is wearing a shirt under the hospital gown and the baby is slipped under both the gown and the shirt.  I have to remember to wear an old shirt that day, because new born babies are covered in goo, and they don't get hosed off before being handed to you...

Once you get home from the hospital keeping the babies close is just as important.  Having twins means twice the carry time.  It also means twice the laundry, twice the cleaning, twice the everything...a solution that has been suggested to us to allow both bonding time and free hands is a baby carrier, not just for outside excursions, but for around the house as well.  I spent an afternoon trying out several different carriers before making a decision.  I'm going to discuss three of the products below...

The Moby Wrap, is simply a long piece of stretchy fabric that you wind about your body in such a manner as to create a protective baby-carrying pouch.  This one frightened me at first, it seemed a throw back to a time or place before technology existed.  But to be honest, the store clerk took me through the winding process and it wasn't very difficult at all.  The cloth is held in the middle against your stomach, then wrapped around your back.  You cross the ends of the fabric then draw them up and over your shoulders.  The ends are pushed through the pocket you created in the front and then crossed over once more.  Lastly, it's wrapped about your waist again and tied off at your hip or back.  The wrap is very secure, as long as you have done it properly.  It was quite comfortable as well and made me feel very pretty...I think I'm man enough to wear a decorative wrap, but the advertising for this product was definitely aimed at women.  I asked the store clerk and he confirmed that the product is mostly sold to women, but that you are starting to see more men wearing them too.  Am I a trend setter or do I need a more manly product in a house painted pink and filled with stuffed animals and pretty ladies?

The Moby is the least expensive option in the carriers I'm reviewing.  At $60 it had a lot of great qualities.  All the carriers were rated for newborns, but the Moby was the only one without a weight restriction, so it would be great from the minute you bring your baby home (the other carriers stated 8 pounds and up).  It's machine washable and comes in a variety of colours.  I'm sure the wrap is made of a breathable material, but you still have several meters of it wrapped around your body, so for outdoor use in cooler months I think it would be great.  I anticipated a heat problem indoors or in the summer, however.

The other two carriers I want to discuss are models of the Ergo and the Baby Bjorn.  Neither of these are wraps.  These products are specially designed packs, with shoulder and back support.  The main difference appeared to me to be the position the baby is in while being carried about. 

When I was trying it on, the Ergo was priced at $120.  This carrier can be configured to be worn on your front, your back, or your hip and is rated to carry up to 40 pounds.  The baby's placement is such that the child is always facing towards you.  As well, the baby is seated with their legs wrapped around your body, rather than dangling like the Baby Bjorn.  There is a internet war raging over the seated or dangling configuration, but they both have their advantages.  Supposedly the advantage to the seated design, is comfort.  I have no idea if this is true, and the one baby I was able to ask wouldn't give me a straight answer...

I wasn't very impressed with the back support of the Ergo model I tried on.  In fact, it was really non-existent, consisting simply of a quick release buckle up high near the neck; the function of which appeared more for holding the shoulder straps together rather than support.  The weight of the baby is distributed between your hips, shoulders and neck.  Carrying 40 pounds of wriggling fury with no real back support kind of turned me off this product.  There was a built in rain/sun hood that was easily accessible if worn in the front or on the hip.

I found the Ergo less comfortable then the Moby, and I think I would suffer from the same overheating drawbacks.

Lastly, the Baby Bjorn was priced at a bank breaking $200 (for the Synergy model I tried on).  This product was easy to put on and take off had excellent, fully adjustable back, shoulder and hip support and was made of a lightweight, breathable, machine washable mesh.  The buckles were all easy to reach and secure.

This product can only be worn on your front, but the baby can be positioned to face you (with additional neck support for the baby) when the child is very small, or positioned to face outward for stimulation as they get older and can support the weight of their own head.  The Baby Bjorn products are being labelled "crotch danglers" on the internet because of the way that the baby is placed inside (pressure between their legs as opposed to on their bum when seated in the Ergo).  It is precisely this design however, that allows you face your child towards or away from you.

I found the Baby Bjorn to be the most comfortable of the carriers, and did not anticipate the overheating that I would expect with the other products.


We posed the question on several of the twins message boards "How long did you use your baby carrier?" with varying responses.  Some women found that they only used their carriers for a few months, but that this had more to do with their children's tolerance rather than any other factor like personal comfort.  Others suggested that they used their carriers for over a year.

I personally purchased a new Baby Bjorn Synergy for the comfort and breathable mesh, but immediately experienced buyer's remorse.  I'm now considering returning the product and looking for one online instead.  My babies will be small enough to carry mostly through the winter months, so outdoor use will be limited.  It's nice to purchase everything new, but with twins, I'm just not sure it's economically feasible.  I know people selling their Baby Bjorns for as little as $25, a completely reasonable price for something I might only use for a few months in the house.  Either way, in my mind, having a baby carrier is essential (one for each of us, my wife and I actually).  It will allow me to spend quality time with my baby girls and yet keep my hands free to still do things like fry bacon or cut the lawn.

When David Suzuki Speaks, I Listen.

When it comes to their children, every parent has something they get weird about, and it's usually  something that makes everyone else think "What???"  I'm not going to mention anyone's eccentricities in this blog (except my wife's).  The best cases are so unique that the parents would easily be able to identify their own behaviour, and they certainly don't consider it weird.

I have no idea what my thing is going to be...unless you consider the hundreds of "No Boys Allowed" signs I've been making weird.  But trust me, it's just common sense.  I do, however, know exactly what my wife's thing is going to be. 

It actually started when we first decided to have a baby.  It was little changes; my clothes started to smell differently after being washed (they had no scent actually); a different brand of shampoo in the shower.  For my wife, it's the chemicals that are in almost everything we use.  The change over to bio-healthy products came slowly.  First our cleaning supplies were all switched over to natural, green products.  Next were the detergents and then the shampoo and soaps were changed.  I knew I was in real trouble one morning when I went for my shower only to find that the soap had been removed and replaced by a scrub brush and fresh lemon.

All joking aside, it is pretty shocking if you actually do the research.  I'll make it easy for those reading my blog by supplying the website my wife uses:  Skin Deep Cosmetics Database  The site is run by the Environmental Working Group, who believe that consumers have the right to know exactly what is in the products they purchase; that manufacturers should be forced to list all ingredients in their products; and that proper warnings should be made available when necessary.  Each product on the site is given an all encompassing rating between 0 and 10, zero innocuous and 10 being instant cancer.  Additionally, the product is broken down by its ingredients, with each again, being assigned a value between 0 and 10 and a list of concerns.  Here's an example:  Johnson's and Johnson's Shea Coco Butter Baby Lotion.  It's for babies, so one would assume that the ingredients should be safe.  Just in case you didn't click on the link, I'll give you some of the details.  The overall product rating is a 5.  Looking further down the page you'll find the list of ingredients.  The highest rated (most toxic) ingredient is simply entered as fragrance (8), which contains a proprietary undisclosed mixture of chemicals.  This is a big one in a lot of products.  Anything that smells like a summer breeze, or a strawberry patch, or anything else delicious, more than likely contains this ingredient.  (The research including information on studies and scientific papers used to determine the toxicity rating is here:  Fragrance)  Now, just because one website says this stuff is bad, why should you stop using it?  It's just one website, some faceless corporation that's probably just trying to get your money...but this guy agrees:  David Suzuki ...ya, David "freakin" Suzuki.  How can you not trust this long time host of the Nature of Things, environmental activist, scientist, half-marathon running, Canadian?  You think he's out to get your money too?  This guy could buy you and your whole family!

Here's another example, Desitin Diaper Rash Ointment a highly popular diaper rash cream smeared right onto your baby's most sensitive skin.  Overall it scores a 6, but the ingredients list two chemicals with a red warning.  Once again, we've got fragrance with a score of 8 but even worse we've got BHA with a score of 10.  Here's the concerns with BHA:

Cancer, Endocrine disruption, Allergies/immunotoxicity, Persistence and bioaccumulation, Organ system toxicity (non-reproductive), Ecotoxicology, Use restrictions

Now you are saying, "BHA?  That's the sound a sheep makes when you tell him a joke." or "BHA?  I've never heard of it."  But you know who has?  Ya... David Suzuki

Typically, my wife won't use a product that has not scored 2 or below.  She won't use any product that has fragrance or any individual ingredient that is 7 or above.  If a product is not listed in the EWG database then she'll take the time to enter the ingredients herself.  (The EWG database allows anyone to enter a product and it's ingredients for inclusion in their database).  I haven't, in most cases, noticed the product change over (though one brand of soap she bought left a film on my skin that itched incredibly badly).  So if this is her weird thing then I'm fine with it.  In fact, keeping our babies safe is not weird at all.

Sleep Deprived

The photo on the left is a week overdue.  I took it last week on week 33...today, Friday the 13th, is week 34!

In June I wrote about my wife's difficulty sleeping.  At that time it was bad; she slept in 2 to 3 hour segments.  As her stomach expands, which it has been doing at a (circumference) rate of about 2.5 cm a week, her periods of sleep have diminished.  She rises hourly, normally, simply to roll over.  That sounds like a simple task, but it involves a great deal of activity.  She can't just turn and face the opposite direction; it's nearly impossible for her to swing that giant belly without experience extreme discomfort that she describes as a feeling of ripping or tearing.  She actually has to switch poles, meaning her head is at the foot of the bed and her feet are at the head of the bed (it was a terrible surprise the first time I kissed her good morning after a switch).  She's decided that I need more sleep so her intention is to perform this turn about maneuver on her own, without waking me (ha!).  The first step is flailing her arms and legs like a turtle trapped on it's back.  This must eventually work because somehow she ends up standing beside the bed.  In step two, each pillow (7 in total) is picked up, noisily fluffed, and then dropped back on the bed like an atomic bomb.  She then crawls back into bed, which I am assuming she does from a high diving board.  The final move is to place a roof on her pillow fort to keep her warm.  She does so by grasping our shared sheet and with a quick tug, like a magician removing a tablecloth from a fully set table, frees the sheet from any constraint (me) and allows it to fall gently across the top of her pillow world.

After several nights of sleeping in hourly fits, and days of zombie like existence we discussed options.  The discomfort is caused by sleeping on her side and her need to switch positions.  My wife is a back sleeper, so side sleeping already feels foreign to her.  A pregnant women is never supposed to sleep flat on her back.  Sleeping on her back can cause the full weight of her uterus (maybe 35 pounds now) to crush down on her spine, intestines, and some major blood vessels.  Pinching off the blood vessels can cause a disruption in blood flow, killing the mother or child.  If you have to sleep on your back, Doctors recommend sleeping on an incline greater than 40 degrees (or not greater than 140 degrees depending on how you are measuring the angle).  We came up with two solutions...more pillows that could be used to prop her upright at that appropriate angle, or an overstuffed, recliner chair.

We were told about a specially designed pillow that basically looks like an armchair missing the seat.  It has an overstuffed back support and arm rests.  We were able to find one at Home Outfitters at a cost of about $20.  The idea was to place this pillow on the bed and then build the rest of her fort around her.  We tested it out in the store on one of their bedroom displays, but found that it was forcing her to sit upright, rather than at an angle.  As well, the back support was to short to allow her to rest her head comfortably.

With the pillow failure, we spent the entire day yesterday looking at recliners.  The big problem with this solution is that we have no room in our very small house.  It's already packed up tight with baby goods and more pour in everyday.  Any recliner we purchased is going to have a home for about 2 months, and then it's going to the curb (1 month until the twins arrive and 1 month while my wife convalesces after her c-section).  For our use, the recliner could not actuate using the weight of the occupant.  Using stomach muscles now (any pushing and she's going to shoot one of the twins out), or after her c-section was out of the question.  For the same reason, we needed to be able to reset the chair (from reclined) to it's default shape using something other than body weight.  We found a suitable model at the Lazyboy store.  The chair was operated using a lever that was within easy reach while seated.  My wife found the chair comfortably stuffed and of the appropriate size to fit her.  For $500, the store manager was kind enough to sell us the floor model, rather than making us wait for the 4 week order to arrive.  $500 is a lot of money for something that will be sitting out by the curb in a couple of weeks, but without it all we had to look forward to is sleepless nights and groggy days.

We set up the recliner in the bedroom, jammed between the bed and the crib.  We added extra pillows, a blanket and a splash guard (in case her water breaks on the brand new chair) and said our good nights.  I actually got 2 hours of sleep before the first pillow bomb went off next to me on the bed.  Apparently, the twins don't like mommy sleeping on her back.  Upright time means play time...

Anyone looking for Lazyboy recliner?

It's all Academic...

Last week was a period of revelations, education and a million more things to worry about.

First off, we learned that my wife has gestational diabetes.  For those that may not be aware of what GDM entails, basically, it is an elevated blood glucose level, diagnosed/occurring during pregnancy.  It's fairly typical (around 10%) in a woman's third trimester and is commonly linked to pregnancy related factors such as the presence of a placenta (which inhibits insulin receptors).  We are having fraternal twins, which means my wife has whipped up two placentas for double the insulin inhibiting goodness.  Her numbers were not terribly high, so we are hoping that it can be controlled, over the next few week,s through diet alone.  If necessary, should diet changes not be sufficient, insulin can be used to blunt the glucose spike before a meal.

The risks with gestational diabetes can be quite sever if left untreated.  The babies may be born with a higher than normal birth weight, which to me doesn't sound that bad for twins.  But it can also cause jaundice, seizures or still birth.  For mom, the increased birth weight can lead to difficulties with a vaginal birth.  Again, not something that affects us, we are scheduled for a c-section on August 8th.  The real downside for mom, is that women diagnosed with gestational diabetes are at higher risk of developing adult-onset diabetes (type 2) or pre-eclampsia.  Pre-eclamspia is a medical condition involving hypertension which can lead to damage to blood vessels, kidneys and liver.  It can ultimately lead to eclampsia which can result in seizures and coma. 

We are, of course, taking this situation very seriously.  Our doctor referred us to an endocrinologist, who in turn sent my wife on a course to learn to monitor and control diabetes through diet.  She now tests her glucose levels upon first waking as well as 2 hours after each meal.  The collected data is relayed to hospital staff who will determine whether further measures (insulin) are required.  I too did my part when she was diagnosed, by immediately eating all chocolate, ice cream, candy and cake we had in the house.

Later in the week we attended an infant CPR class.  This is something that I think all soon-to-be parents or new parents should consider.  I've taken CPR classes before.  In the past, I've always had this detached feeling while listening to the instructor.  The information I was being given was something I would need to use on a stranger...I would save the stranger and be a hero.  But this class was different.  I might need these skills to save my children.  When that realization hit me I suddenly became very frightened.  These little people, that my wife and I are creating, will be completely dependent on me...ME!  The more the nursing instructors spoke, the more scenarios we went through, the more I realized that keeping them in my wife forever might be a good idea.  To make it worse, the nurse had several personal anecdotes involving her own choking children.  Either this woman was purposefully choking her kids or it's very, very common.  I actually spoke with several other mothers about this (including my own) and they all had choking stories too!

The three hour course covers more than just what to do in case of choking or discovering your child unresponsive; there is a section on SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome) as well.  This is the completely unexplained, sudden death of an otherwise healthy infant.  They just stop breathing, and they die.  WTF?!?   I am never going to sleep again.  Even typing this is making me sick with worry.  My next door neighbour told me, that to this day, at ages 4 and 6, she checks on her children's breathing at night.

The last course of the week was on lactation.  As a man, I am already an expert on boobs, so I skipped this one.  Besides, I didn't want to hear about some other terrible danger, like BSID (boob smothering infant death), that would surely be brought up in the class.  I did however attend a 1 hour personal (my wife and I) meeting with the lactation consultant.  My wife very much enjoyed the course, but I think it's something that she will have to repeat once the twins have arrived.  An average stay for c-section delivery is 3 days.  During that time a lactation consultant will meet with the mother to discuss techniques of both single and tandem feeding.

I personally think that these courses were great.  The more information I can gather before the girls are born, I'm hoping in some small way, will prepare me for what is to come.  I understand that academics might be thrown out once practical kicks in, but at least I'll have a starting point.

Here There be Dragons

 My wife and I have very different concerns when it comes to our soon-to-be-born children.  Obviously we both want them to be born healthy, and safely.  It's after the birth that we will worry about different things.  As a male, I know how terribly evil my gender is...yes, we do only think about one thing...and yes, we are always looking for it.  So I'll worry about that, for the next 25 years or so.  My wife has more wide spread fears (many of which lead to hours of work or drastic life changes for me).  

We've spent the last while fixing up little things around our home.  I wouldn't call it baby proofing, because it's not the fine stuff, like electrical socket covers, just yet.  It's more along the lines of tacking down loose cords or getting rid of furniture to clear space.  My wife looks around the house and sees a danger zone for babies.   I'm pretty sure she is determined to keep the twins right where they are now, until I fix everything up.

We had electrical work done some time ago.  The electrician needed to make a couple small holes in one of our living room walls to fish a wire through.  I swore I'd patch them up, but just never seemed to get around to it (they were behind the curtain...no one looks behind the curtain), until yesterday.  To my wife, those holes were death pits waiting to swallow a baby's arm.  Electrical wire had been run through there!  Surely it had frayed and the protective coating had completely torn away during installation.  She could smell the ozone caused by the arcing.  By the time the holes were patched, sanded and painted there was a list of other potentially death dealing home deficiencies that needed to be tackled (while the tools were out) like smoothing the finish on the door cover of the water meter enclosure.  I for one, would not want my baby girls to grind down their finger tips when I send them to the basement to take a meter reading for daddy.

My wife has been in charge of caring for and protecting our babies, by herself, up until this point.  The nine months that they have spent curled up, safely within her, has made my wife very protective.  When they are born, she is obviously going to have to share the responsibility of child care with me.   And I honestly understand that that is going to be very difficult...but so do the manufactures of children's goods.  Dads-to-be, I'm warning you now that there are thousands of products specifically designed to trigger your wife's fears that you are a bumbling buffoon unable to care for a child without the aid of some gadget.  We went shopping yesterday, looking specifically for a baby bath towel that my wife had read about.  When we got to the store, she showed me the item.  It was a combination apron and ultra soft towel that you wear during bath time.  When you are done bathing the baby, you are supposed to snuggle the child up in the towel, which is firmly tied about your neck.  You wrap them in such a way as to create a pocket anchored at three points, both hands and your neck, thus preventing you from dropping the child.  My wife held it up in front of me admiring how charming I would look wearing it...but I saw in her eyes the fear.  In her mind was a scene starring me and the twins.  It's bath time and I'm unable to manage their little, wriggling bodies.  Each time I get hold of one she shoots up in the air like a slippery bar of soap.  The scene ends with a dance number and an amazing baby juggling act. 

 I said no thanks to the apron/towel thing.  I told her, that after I have bathed one of our girls, (obviously as newborns I won't bathe them both at the same time...) I will place her on a flat, soft surface on which I had already laid out a towel.  I will pat her dry, gently.  Then diaper her, dress her, swaddle her and carry her to her crib/seat/play area.  I think that describing the actions and care I would take in bathing my babies gave my wife some relief.  She put the apron/towel thing back on the rack...but I'm pretty sure I know what I'm getting for christmas.

I know how hard it's going to be for my wife once she has birthed the twins and they are roaming around freely outside of her protective belly.  I honestly won't be surprised, the first time I put on my winter coat, to find a length of yarn run through both sleeves and and tied to my daughters' wrists to prevent me from loosing them.